I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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