i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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