I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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