You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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