At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
