Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
