i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
