Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You ate ashes out of my bong
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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