Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
