Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you had me at cake vodka
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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