Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
