shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
