why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
