When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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