I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
