I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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