Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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