FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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