I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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