you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
