i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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