Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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