he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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