turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
