I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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