dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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