But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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