You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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