you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Pants are for mortals
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