so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
