He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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