Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
