I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
