yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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