I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
