I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Lo siento on account of my penis...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
