Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
