Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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