I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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