you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
