We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
