We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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