just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
