You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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