the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
