3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
