even my farts smell like vagina
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
