I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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