my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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