My nipple is on Facebook.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
