I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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