You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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