You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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