so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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