It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
