this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize