Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
NoShamevember. You game?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
