my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm like, not good at living.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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