Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
