I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
