i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
