and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
