omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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