She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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