I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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