flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
