I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
