I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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