I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
