pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
