I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
