you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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