who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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