sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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