I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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