I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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