Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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